[WARNING: This story not for the faint of heart]
I just got back from the doctor. I hate going to doctors. Barb chides me for not having a "checkup" since I was like 7. Pfff, checkup. I've never returned from the doctor and thought, "Well, that was a productive use of my time. I'm certainly in a better position than before I went to the doctor." Ok, not never. After being shuttled between the hospital and my family doctor's clinic about 5 times when I was 17 I eventually had my broken arm put in a cast, which I suppose was a good thing.
Anyway, Last Sunday I was making myself some stew (mm, stew). Whilst chopping some carrots my trusty Ikea knife decided to take a chop out of me too. I cut (but not cut off) the tip of my finger. It was not bad enough to say "Ah, I cut off the tip of my finger!" but it was also bad enough that I wouldn't just call it a cut. It was right at the tip of my left ring finger and even nicked a piece of nail (hey I warned you this would be graphic). It surprisingly didn't hurt all that much, but there was a fair bit of blood (i.e. a lot). I debated going to the hospital for a while (not that I know where a hospital is in Ottawa) but eventually bandaged myself up and went to watch The Fog of War
instead. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Hey, I told you I don't like doctors. I've been to emergency rooms at night before (courtesy of drunken friends - every time) and it usually consists of waiting in a chair for four hours, making you ponder the definition of "emergency." I decided I would like some sleep on my Sunday night so I didn't go.
The next day I went a walk-in clinic, which for those of you who don't know is like a regular medical clinic with even worse
service than a regular one. Feels sort of like a refugee camp with magazines. The doctor took a look at my gory wound and said she didn't think it needed stitches and so she "steri-stripped(TM)" my wound and bandaged it. That's the fancy way of saying she scotch taped me and put a bandaid on. She then told me to leave the bandaid on for a week, not get it wet, and come back the next Monday.
Have you ever been able to keep the same bandaid on for a week? And would you want to? Anyway, through the use of various techniques, I kept my bandaid on and dry for a week without as much as a peek (wouldn't want to interfere with the steri-strips). Today I went to the doctor, and after convincing the receptionist that yes, I had an appointment, yes I have been there before, and no, I don't know where you put my chart, I was instructed by my doctor to take off my bandaid. Being a good boy and not taking my bandaid off all week, and considering I hadn't been feeling any pain, I expected to see a semi-healed finger, preferably with tip intact.
Unfortunately my doctor's "tape" plan didn't work all that well and I was greeted with a site more gory than the one I had pre-bandaging. Some sort of fleshy growth (I warned you) was forming between the semi-severed tip and the finger that didn't look at all "healing." What's more, it was growing over the nail, which can't be a good thing. The doctor confirmed that what we had here was a problem.
"It doesn't look like it's healing well"
No shit, thanks for making me wait a week to find that out. She said I would have to come in tomorrow and she would have to "freeze and trim" my finger and possibly stitch it. Now "freeze and trim," to me, sounds like she will be hacking away at my bloody wound. Not fun! I'm really not looking forward to this. Severs me right for trying to cook for myself. Poutine it is from now on.