Normally I hate forwards, so I won't forward this. But a recent grad sent this to me so I could wax nostalgic about university life. And here are the commandments of university:

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of
napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day
napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your
friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will
not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student
said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time.
And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall
share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make
out with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you
shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are
the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was
good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am
funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away
messages. God said to student, you shall never just say
you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet
and wild.in the shower. You shall never say you are at
class, you shall say you are sleeping.in class. God said,
if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite
you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls
to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it
was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a
college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a
hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never
wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie
should it be and God said, you shall own one with your
school's logo on it and you shall own many others of
varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God
was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him,
Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall shit
a lot. And it will not be good shit, it will be the shit
of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your
school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall
feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said
unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for all your fellow
students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried
his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps
to ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to
the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of
EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don't need milk or a
stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the
RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave
under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked,
what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being
such a pussy, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you
shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random
people every weekend and forget about them the next day.
You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their
company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and
it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told
Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been,
but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him
that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to
do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a
club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go
to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to
meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay.
And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you
shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you
are. You will not remember what you did last night and you
shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings
and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student
was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great
stories about it to your friends someday. And Student
understood and God took a sip of a beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God
said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God
said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said,
you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants
a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and
become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God
comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if
you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and
God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will soon be
bitch tits. And it was good.